17 dead after pre-orgy party

Chanhassen-
17 local students, ages 15 to 18, were found dead saturday morning after they overdosed on cocaine. Three of the students were CHSl attendees, while the rest came from various Hennepin County schools. According to survivors, they were just about to go out to the backyard for, what some neighbors described as, "a sex pile."
Julie Nelson, who lives just one door away from the tragic location, says that she witnessed several of these fornication festivals throughout the year, but that this one was the biggest. "They didn't come outside, like usual, so I went to check on them." And check on them she did. She found the three survivors moping around the house in a depressed stupor. "They looked depressed," said Nelson's husband Victor, "so they were drinking and complaining about how the bang-a-thon wasn't gonna happen."
Police arrived on the scene ten minutes later to give the remaining teenagers slaps on the wrists and to take away the dead bodies.

on a related note, anyone interested in unprotected sex with multiple partners should call 952-555-55#5